I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
