Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
