I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
