Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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