Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
