Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
