Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
