she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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