Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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