Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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