We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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