sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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