No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
