Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
