i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
