i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
