The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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