Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
