Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
