Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
