I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
