Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
