you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize