he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
