I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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