You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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