Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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