I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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