its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The air taste purple.
Randomize
