he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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