You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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