Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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