there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
