Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
