mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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