my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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