We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
