We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
