I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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