ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
