i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
