I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
