If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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