you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
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He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked