So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night