Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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