The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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