Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And then my night got REAL pukey
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
