Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
