Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
