youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
