Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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