last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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