Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no you cant smoke seaweed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
