He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
