3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
