yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
