I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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