Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
