Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
