Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
