just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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