I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
