That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
