I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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