She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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