he puts the penis in happiness.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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