Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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