Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
