I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
