did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
