There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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