i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
