Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
