you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
