I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
