I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
