Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My vagina is officially offended.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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