If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
