Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
