you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
