ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
