New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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